Homesickness

I don't think most people understand the torturous feeling that can only be described as homesickness.  It's a weird thing, and it hits the hardest and at the most secret times.  It's a  wave of desire, a pulling that makes my heart drag along the rugged bumps of my ribs.  It's a tightening sensation.  For me it comes the most when my family sends me pictures from their hikes and family gatherings.  I look at the pictures and I feel a darkening sensation behind my eyes, they so much desire to see everything in person.  Instead I'm stuck with visions that tease me.  Germany for me will always be home.  I can tell people that I'm unemotionally attached or that I can go wherever I want with my life.  But homesickness hits me at my most vulnerable times.  It hurts, but it's not a normal pain.  It doesn't even feel like my depression.  It's just a feeling that slowly tears my insides apart.  It makes my stomach flip upside down .  It makes my limbs go numb.  It allows the tears to come rolling.  My body opens and tries to reach it's home.  I thought Germany was just where I was born.  But then this hurt comes and I know Bad Dürkheim will always be my home.  And I will feel these waves of sickness until I can run between the vineyards, swim in the depths of the local lake, pick daisies at the small park, ride my bike to the vegetable stand, and hug the familiar figures of my family.  That's homesickness to me and it's a pain that slowly destroys you from within. A tingling sensation that always seems to creep up on me and then swallow me whole.